Secrets We Share
by Monkeybarrel
Summary: Wild Adapter one shot. Kubota and Tokitoh try to protect each other from those who would want to tear apart their little world. (Wow, could this summary be more angsty...)


Quick note:  Wild Adapter one-shot.  A little break from the on-going Stay Here With.  Big thanks to J for being there to read the initial version.  As always, comments and criticism are always welcome.  Thank you.  

Disclaimer:  Minekura Kazuya owns all of Wild Adapter and because she does, she can make us squirm and wait every two months for the next chapter. 

Warnings:  Spoilers for volume one of WA, language and yaoi bits.  Although if you're not a fan of yaoi bits, this whole category may not be the best for you.

Secrets We Share

I know the day that I will die is coming.

But I probably won't know which day that is until it comes, until a second after that trigger is pulled.  

And the air carries a hint of gunpowder and of blood.

Right now, I never think about when that day may be, even if that day is today.  

Because right now, all I can think about is you.

And how I want my day to not become yours as well.  

Because I know you.  I know you better than you know yourself.  I know you because in a way, I raised you, from the ground to my bed to me.

And I know what you will do when my day comes.

And then all I want is to somehow stop you from being you, 

Even though it's because you're you that I've come to this point.     

And when I saw you and him that morning, I thought that my day had finally arrived.

------- 

You think I don't know.  You think I never know what's really going on, like if you fill up the room with enough smoke, that I won't see anything at all.  Just you and me and that's it.  That's it in the whole world.  

Not that I don't want that.  

Sometimes if we sleep in late enough, and if the window's closed, then it does feel like it's our own world, our own place, where everything is just the smoke and us and that's it.   

I know that it isn't real though.  Even through the smoke and the warmth, I can still hear what's outside the glass, or the neighbors in the hall, or the phone from the old man or the hack.  

It's not just us.  It never was.

Because even if I can't remember the past, it doesn't mean it ain't there, just sitting somewhere, waiting.  

Just because I forgot it, doesn't mean it ain't there.  Just because you left it, doesn't mean it ain't there.     

But even if it is out there, sitting somewhere, just waiting, it doesn't mean we gotta sit here in the smoke and be afraid of it.  

'Cause no matter what's out there, no matter what's coming,

If we meet it together,

Maybe it won't be that bad.  

With all your smoke, you built this little world for me, for us, right?

So don't be mad when I go and open up the window.  

It's just, I know what's out there, even if you don't think I know.

And this is me, trying to help protect what little of our world is left.  

Even when your left past comes over and tries to break it.  

And this is me, trying to tell you, that whatever is coming, I'll watch over you too.  

Even if you don't know that I do.

------ 

"So how did it go today?"  Kou searched around underneath the counter, finally bringing out a small envelope and handing it to Kubota.  

"Just fine, thanks."  Kubota nodded, accepting the payment for that day's work.

Tokitoh rolled his eyes and plopped down on one of the stools by the counter.  "What are you kidding?  Those assholes so tried to pull a fast one on us.  You should have seen it!"

"Tokitoh, didn't you want to go to dinner now?" Kubota tried to interject, but Kou held up his hand.

"No, no, no.  I would like to hear.  Go on, Tokitoh-kun."  Kou smiled and rested his chin on his hand.  

"It's not all that exciting."  Kubota let out a small sigh and pulled another stool up.  He turned to see Tokitoh giving him a sulky look.  Kubota took out a cigarette and lit it.  "Well, are you going to tell him or do you want me to?"

"No way!  I'm telling it."  Tokitoh turned to Kou, and his face once again lit up.  "They were all late for one, so we knew right from there that they were way sketchy."

"Really?"  Kou raised his eyebrows.  Kubota shook his head, but Tokitoh ignored him and went on.  

"They finally get there, and Kubo-chan said to me, "Wait here and yell if you see something fishy."  So I waited while he went over."

"Very perceptive of you."  Kou nodded at Kubota who simply shrugged.

"Wait-wait, we're not even at the good part yet."  Tokitoh continued.  "There were three guys, all dressed in black, which, obviously, bad sign."

"If that is true, would not Kubota-kun be included in that group?"  Kou asked, pointing to Kubota's long black coat.

"Oh, I'm the worst of the lot."  Kubota smiled back.  

"Hey, whose story is this?"  Tokitoh waved at Kubota in frustration.  "Besides, you don't wear ALL black, so it doesn't count."  

"I think I need to read your rule book of life sometime."  Kubota reached over and flicked his forehead.  

Tokitoh pushed his hand off and then shifted his stool further away.  Then looking back at Kou, he went on.  "So, three guys, obviously bad news.  Their eyes even did this."  He shifted his eyes from left to right.  "Looking all over the place.  It was like a movie."

"The next thing he's going to say is that they came skulking out of the shadows," Kubota tapped the end of his cigarette into the ash tray.  "On black horses, their breath came out in flames-"

"Don't be stupid."  Tokitoh sent him a glare and then pointed back to Kou.  "They WERE hiding in the dark though."

Kou nodded.  "So I'm getting a picture of some very, very dark, shadowy men, who," he raised his hand up to Kubota, "handled the delivery in a quiet and orderly fashion, allowing my employees to return peacefully?"  

"What kind of story would that be?"  Tokitoh gave him a cross-eyed look.  "They tried to take it and run."  He stuck his hand out, pointing only his index finger while his thumb was out.  "They pointed a gun at Kubo-chan, and said something."

"Something?"  Kou turned towards Kubota.

Kubota smiled.  "He was too far away to hear."

"Yeah, but I could tell it wasn't a fucking "thank you" and shit."  Tokitoh scowled.  

"Actually one of them did say thanks."  Kubota crossed his arms, thinking.  "Something like, thanks a lot, kid.  You won't mind if we just take this…something like that."  

"So then what happened?"  Kou turned from one to the other.  

Tokitoh spoke first.  "So Kubo-chan then turns and-" 

"But he yelled out before that," Kubota interrupted.  "First "You assholes!", and then, "Hurt Kubo-chan and die!"  It gave me a warm fuzzy."

"Hey, stop laughing!"  Tokitoh made a swipe towards Kubota who leaned back, missing the other's hand by a few inches.  "Like I was saying, he turned and took the one with the gun, and went like THIS with his hand."  He demonstrated by bringing his elbow down on the counter.  "The guy goes like this-" He opened his eyes and mouth wide.  "But doesn't make a sound.  Just stands there all frozen and shit."

Kou nodded.  "Kubota-kun does have that impact on some people."  

"One of the best things I learned in pre-school was how to make other boys piss in their pants by just looking at them."  Kubota smiled.  "The teachers kept wondering why our class had such a bad smell."  He turned to see Tokitoh giving him a hard look. 

"You are so fucked up.  Did you know that?"

"No, but I live for your little reminders."

"Kiss my ass."  

"We went down this road already.  You said, "Don't do that.  It's gross!"  Remember?"

Tokitoh's face turned a beet-red, but his eyes narrowed to a dangerous level, at least for Kubota.  

Kou tried to hide his laughter behind his hand.  "And, is there an end to this story?"

Tokitoh's glower turned towards Kou.  "If he wants to talk so much, let him finish it."

Kubota rolled his eyes and stepped off the stool.  He wrapped his arm around Tokitoh's neck and pulled him halfway off the chair.  

"Hey!  Cut it out!  Leggo-"  Kubota covered Tokitoh's mouth with his hand while the boy flailed his arms about.  Kou backed up a few steps from behind the counter.

Kubota continued while still holding the struggling Tokitoh.  "So, he yells out, and then I knock the gun away.  And the other two try to rush on me but I get one first and then this guy here." He playfully pats Tokitoh's head.  "Jumps on the other guy from behind and starts beating on his back.  The third guy then finally seems to have woken up and goes for the gun on the ground, but Kiss-my-ass here kicked it away and then says my favorite line of the evening which was…"  He slowly released his hand from around Tokitoh's mouth.

Tokitoh let out a loud breath.  "…asshole."

Kubota shook his head.  "Nope, that's not what you said."

The store suddenly got very quiet.  Tokitoh finally pushed Kubota off and stood up.  "Are we doing dinner or what?"  He headed for the door.  

Kubota smiled and started to follow.  "Hai hai."

"Oh, Kubota-kun.  One moment."  Kou waved him to come back.  Kubota first half-turned and then nodded to Tokitoh who was by the door.  "I'll be there in second, okay?"  

Tokitoh scowled back.  "Just hurry up.  I'm starving."

"Then stand there and think about what you want to eat."  Tokitoh only stuck his tongue out at them in response and left.

"Just when I think he's starting to like it here."  Kou shook his head, but was still smiling.  

"Don't tell him I said this, but he does that with everyone he likes.  You should see the faces he makes at Kasai-san."  Kubota tapped on the counter.  "What else is there that you want for today?"

Kou took out a small sheet of paper from underneath the counter.  "Another order came in right before you both returned.  I did not promise it would be delivered though.  I thought you would want to look at it beforehand.  He's a first-time customer."

Kubota looked at the paper, his face expressionless.  "Did he call in himself?"

"Yes."

"And he wants it delivered?"

"He asked for you personally.  Although he said "the other one" would be all right if you did not feel up to it."  

Kubota only nodded.  "What is it he wanted delivered?"  

Kou then handed him a small wrapped tin.  "Some Chai tea."

"Special Chai?"

"No, actually, it's quite unremarkable."

"Funny.  That doesn't seem to fit his tastes."  Kubota chewed on his cigarette for a moment.  "Well, I guess I'm off.  If it's okay with you, I'll come back tomorrow to pick up the payment."

"It's actually already included in what I gave you earlier."

Kubota turned his head towards Kou.  He then smiled.  "Until next time then."  He waved and headed for the door.

"Kubota-kun?"  Kou's voice once again stopped him.  Kubota turned to look back.

"What did Tokitoh-kun say back there, during the fight?"

Kubota gave him a big smile, and took the cigarette out of his mouth.  "Something that made my day."  He then waved again and left, closing the door behind him.

Kou went over to the window, and watched the two walk down the street.  He then lifted the sign written in both Chinese and Japanese that signaled that his shop was closed for the day.

"Until next time then."  

-------      

Tokitoh plunked down on the subway seat with a sigh.  "Man, I just can't decide.  Do I want a hamburger…or Chinese…hey, Kubo-chan, what do you wanna eat?"

"Hm?"  Kubota was half off the seat, his legs sticking out across the train's walkway.  Late on a Saturday, it wasn't that crowded, but they still earned some looks from the other passengers.  

"Dinner.  What do you want?"

"Mmm…"  Kubota just shrugged.  His head was resting on the top of the seat, and he was looking up at the ads posted on the ceiling while shifting a cigarette from side to side in his mouth.  

"Hey, you listening?"  Tokitoh turned and gave him a light whap on the head.  

"I'm listening…dinner…hmmm…"  The driver then got on the loudspeaker and announced the next stop.  Kubota raised his head.

"So?"

Kubota chewed on his cigarette for another second and looked at the wrapped can still in his hands.  He then sat up.

"Sorry, Tokitoh, but can you hold off on dinner for a little while?  I have one more errand to do"

"Huh?"  Tokitoh scrunched his face up in confusion.  "What are you talking about?"

Kubota stood up and gripped one of the rings that hung from the top of the train.  "Just do me a favor and wait for me."  The train was nearing to the next station.  They could feel it start to slow down.

"Wait, if it's another job then let's go together."  Tokitoh stood up too, but he felt a hand on his shoulder.  It gently but firmly pushed him back down.

"Let me get this one done, okay?  I'll head home right after."  With that said, Kubota went and stood in front of the doors.  When the train finally came to a stop, they opened and he stepped out.  He turned to see Tokitoh now standing in the doorway.

"What's going on?" Tokitoh asked.  The bell began to ring, signaling the train was about to leave.  People getting on just pushed past him, but Tokitoh didn't move.  

"Do this for me, okay?" Kubota said softly.

"Do what?"  Tokitoh gave him a leveled look.  The doors then closed but he stuck his arms out, stopping them.  At his touch, they bounced back, but the buzzer for the doors to close kept ringing.

The subway driver was now looking towards them.  Kubota just shook his head, and tossing his cigarette, walked up to the doors.  With one hand he reached back behind Tokitoh's head and pressed their faces together.  Surprised, Tokitoh didn't fight back and their lips met for a short moment.  With his other hand still holding the package, Kubota pushed him onto the train.  He stepped back then and the doors closed.  He looked through the glass at Tokitoh who only stared back, wide-eyed.  The train started to pull away slowly, and he remained on the platform watching it depart until he couldn't see Tokitoh or the train anymore.

------- 

"Just stay there."  

That's what he had told him when he pushed him back, after the kiss.  Tokitoh stood on the train, gripping one of the rings.  He had gotten off at the next station after Kubota had left, but as the bell was ringing, he turned around and got back on and just stood the rest of the way. 

He didn't know why now he was suddenly following what Kubota wanted.  He fought with him on everything.  Work, chores, everything…  

"Why now?"  He rested his head on the arm still gripping the ring.  

He hated Kubota when he did this, not telling him things.  He did it so often that it was as much a part of their relationship as him bitching about the laundry or Kubota leaving ashes in the bed.  Kubota was always there knowing and he was always there not knowing, except sometimes he did know.

Tokitoh swallowed and looked up.  Three more stops until home.  He watched as the passengers got off and then on, looking for seats, sitting down, talking.  He kept his eyes on the window.  

He understood that Kubota was looking for more than just clouds when he scanned his surroundings.  He saw the way Kubota's eyes searched the busy intersections as they crossed the street together.  He felt the tension in his grip when they walked in some of the darker parts of the city.  Kubota never got lost though.  It was like he had been there before.  

The train slowed down again.  After two more.

Tokitoh knew that whenever his eyes were looking out, that Kubota's was looking at him, and he knew that no matter where he was, Kubota was watching over him.  Even at the fight during the delivery, when he had kicked the gun away, and the man had grabbed him instead, Kubota had been right there.  A breath hadn't past, and he was right there.  He could feel his face get warm just remembering.  

"I won't let you take him away from me," he whispered.  If anyone on the train heard him, he didn't care.  That's what he had said back there.  He didn't know if the surprise on Kubota's face was because of that or because of the man holding him down at that moment.  It didn't matter though.  It was over in a second, and there was Kubota just looking down, watching over him, just like before.  

He knew when that old man in the suit came up to him that morning outside the 7-11, that it wasn't for the time, or for a light.  His grip on the ring tightened.  The train was starting to slow down again, and his body swayed forward a little.  

Before the man had said anything Tokitoh knew that it really wasn't him who the guy wanted to talk to, but he settled on Tokitoh anyway.  He didn't buy it though, not the guy's words, nor the way he said it.  And when he bumped into Kubota in front of the apartment building, he didn't say anything about the old man he had met.

Maybe he just wanted to have something that Kubota didn't know about.

The doors opened and Tokitoh stepped off one station early.  He walked through the ticket carousel and headed for the stairs.  He hadn't reached half-way up before the night air hit him.  He just pulled up his collar and started home.  The few blocks difference didn't seem to matter right then.          

Maybe, if he kept this one to himself, he could finally protect him.  

------  

It had been over a year since he had been there, but very little had changed.  Same leather couches in the front room, same tacky landscape on the wall.  It even had that same vanilla smell.  Kubota didn't have to wait long before he was waved into the office.  The door was both opened and closed for him. 

Sanada pointed to a chair in front of his desk.  "Won't you sit down, Kubota-kun?"

Kubota shook his head.  "My apologies, but I can't stay.  I'm just here for the delivery."  He placed the package on the desk.  Sanada picked it up and unwrapped it.  He opened the can and gave it light sniff.

"Care for some tea then?"  He gently shook the can.

"Thank you, but I will have to decline this time."  Kubota's hands slipped into his pockets.  "Now for the fee…"

"Kubota-kun, I insist."  Kubota felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Sanada then next to him.  "Take a seat.  I've been very much looking forward to trying this tea.  It would be a shame not to share it with an old employee of mine."

Kubota nodded and still watching Sanada, sat down.  Sanada then called into the main room and one of the men standing outside came to the door.  He handed him the can.

"Brew some of this, and bring it back here with two cups," he ordered.  He then closed the door and walked back to the desk.  Sitting down, he took out a box of cigarettes.  He held it up to Kubota who waved his hand back in refusal.  

"Still a Seven Stars man, hm?"  Sanada sat there waiting, but Kubota didn't move.  Finally shaking his head, Sanada moved a hand into his own pocket and took out a lighter and lit the cigarette himself.  "Still the same old Kubota-kun, I see."

Kubota shrugged.  "Nothing much to change."

"Is that so?"  Sanada raised an eyebrow, and let out the smoke in a smooth line.  "Funny, I would have thought differently."

Kubota still didn't pick up the lead so Sanada continued.  "I always thought you were a strange kid, Kubota-kun.  Nice-looking boy, a great shot, pretty good at Mahjong or so I hear, and didn't give a damn about anyone or anything.  Hell, I was pretty sure you didn't care about yourself either, whether you lived or died or fell somewhere between."

Kubota remained silent. 

"But then you surprised me when Komiya was killed and you left.  I didn't think that would happen.  The way you did it was very you though.  Never got the chance to compliment you on your last job.  A little messy but powerful, with a real hands-on feel.  I always liked your style."

"Thank you," Kubota said simply.

Sanada nodded.  "And when you disappeared, you really disappeared.  That surprised me too.  I thought we'd see you again somewhere, maybe even dead, but no, when you leave, you leave."  

There was a sudden knock on the door at that moment.

"Yes?"  Sanada called out.

The door was opened and a head popped in.  "The tea's ready."  Sanada waved him in, and the guard opened the door further and carried in a tray with one tea pot, and two cups.  Placing it on the desk, he moved to fill them.

"I will do it.  You can leave now," Sanada quickly dismissed him.  The guard simply bowed and left the office, closing the door behind him.  Kubota turned back from the door to see Sanada first fill his cup and then his own.  Taking his own cup, Sanada waved for him to pick up the other.  

Kubota nodded and took it up.  "Thank you."

"But do you know what really surprised me about you, Kubota-kun?"  Sanada let a slow breath out over the rim of the cup, blowing the steam that was rising from the surface.  

"What would that be?"  Kubota took a careful sip from his own cup and then placed it back on the desk. 

"I rather liked the you that didn't give a damn about anything.  The Kubota-kun who could bite off someone's ear just as he would look at him.  The Kubota-kun that could pass any woman or any man and never once look back."

"Who's to say I've changed." Kubota asked back.

"That's right.  There was that one thing."  Sanada took a sip from his cup.  "You did always seem to have a soft spot for animals, wasn't it?  I always thought that was funny.  It was like to you, they were better company."

"Aren't they?"

Sanada smiled then, and placed his cup down.  "Even so, I never would have thought that one could change you so much."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I met your cat today.  He's a temperamental little thing, isn't he?  Not bad looking, but still, I would prefer something a little more relaxed."

Kubota's face was expressionless.  "You and I are different after all."

"Maybe so, but not by much, I don't believe."  Sanada stood up from his chair and began to walk around the desk.  "Did he tell you what we talked about?"

"Does it matter?"  Kubota didn't turn around as Sanada walked behind him.  He remained motionless as hands rested upon his shoulders.  

"Maybe not."  The hands began to move gently up and down, massaging his neck.  "He grew quite excited though.  I was a little worried that it would get out of hand, but then he was off.  Back to you, I supposed.  Back to, how would he put it, to his Kubo-chan?"  The hands tightened a little then, or maybe it was Kubota's stomach at that moment.  "He's quite cute, really.  I can see why you keep him."

Kubota shifted in his seat and started to get up, but the hands held him down in his seat.  Sanada then lowered his head till his mouth was by his ear.  "You should know though, Kubota-kun.  Something like that, you'll never be able to keep forever."

"Meaning?"  Kubota kept his gaze straight ahead.

"Meaning wild things can't stay inside, no matter what you do.  You can lock the door.  You can keep them warm.  You can even call them yours."  He felt a hint of wetness on his ear, but he still looked forward.  "But there will be a day when suddenly you find your door open and they'll be gone, just like that."  And suddenly the pressure was gone from his shoulders and Sanada was walking back to his seat and back into his field of vision.

"You'll never be able to keep him, Kubota-kun." Sanada sat down and then continued.  "You're better off just letting him go, the sooner the better."  Their eyes met and moments passed when neither said anything.

Finally Kubota smiled.  "You're acting like I would just let him get away."  He stood up, and took one more sip from his cup.  "Thank you for the tea.  I take it that I'll pick up the fee at the front desk?"  Sanada didn't say anything, and Kubota turned towards the door.

"Tell your boss that it's very good.  Maybe I'll call for it again."

"Anytime, although personally," Kubota reached for the door.  "It's a little too bitter for my taste."

His hand was on the knob when Sanada's voice stopped him again.  

"And if someone else opened that door instead and let him out?  What then?"

He opened the door without turning.  "If you know me that well, then you already know the answer.  Goodbye."  

Kubota didn't waste any time outside the office.  He walked right by the men in the front room, and out the door.  The night air felt cool on his skin.  Even outside he could still smell Sanada's cigarettes, and feel the pressure of his hands around his neck.  

Without looking back, he started down the street towards the subway and to home.  

------    

"So you're what's kept him out for so long…."

That's what he had asked him, that weird old guy outside the 7-11 that morning.  

Tokitoh had gone for milk.  He had left Kubota on the couch reading the paper with a promise of "five minutes".  After paying for it at the register, he grabbed it before the cashier could slip it into a bag.  He was out the door and on his way home when a striped suit entered his sight and he just stopped.  

Tokitoh leaned his head back on the couch.  He had been home for almost an hour but no word yet.  He puffed out his cheeks and looked at the TV which was off.  His reflection puffed its own cheeks back at him.  He turned and lied down and looked up at the ceiling.

"What's wrong?" Kubota had asked when he bumped into him in front of the apartment building.  He tried to look away, up at the sky, at the stores across the street, just not at Kubota's face.  Kubota always knew just by looking at him sometimes what had happened, and he was afraid of the "I met some guy you used to know" that he felt for sure was across his forehead right then.  

"Nothing."  He had grabbed Kubota's arm and headed towards their building.  Kubota just followed silently, letting himself be dragged back up the stairs.  

Tokitoh slung his arm over his eyes, blocking the overhead light from his view.  He could still see stray yellow light that shown around his arms, like they were glowing in their own dark.  

"Who the hell are you?" he had asked.  The man just smiled at him, smoking a cigarette.  It smelled funny to him then.  A little sweet, but different, not what he was used to smelling.  He started to move past him, but the man raised a hand to stop him.  

"You live with him now, don't you?  With Kubota-kun?"

He didn't ask how he knew Kubota.  He didn't care why old weird guys knew what they knew.  He just wanted to be away from him.  He started to move past, but the man held out his arm, taking his shoulder.

"Hands off," he told him, but when he moved away, the hand tightened, and his face got a little closer.  "What the fuck-"

"I remember that he always liked new things.  Whatever just hit the shelves, you would always see in his hands, and everything he held changed from week to week, just like the shelves did."  The man's voice was close to his ear then.  Tokitoh couldn't help but look at him.  "But do you know what he always did with all those new things he found.  He would toss them away just as easily as he picked them up."

"What are you getting at?" he asked, finally pushing the hand off and stepping back.

"Just, whatever he finds, he can also throw away."  The old man smiled at him, like he was some kid he was telling a story to.  Tokitoh just glared back.  "Isn't it better to leave on one's own, on one's own terms, then to be tossed out like yesterday's trash?"

Tokitoh didn't answer.  He finally just brushed passed the man and started walking away.  After ten feet though, he stopped and turned and with one arm, tossed the milk back at him.  The man ducked and it bounced off his arm.  It hit the ground with one more bounce and then just lay there between them.  At that moment several figures moved out from the sides towards them, but he didn't pay attention.   

"Like I fucking would let him throw me away.  Listen, you asshole."  He was breathing hard then.  The man just looked back at him, a hand was raised holding back the other men who seemed to have come out of nowhere to surround him.  "You take whatever you think you know about us, put it in a straw, stick it up your ass, and then suck it!  And even then you won't know shit, so why don't you do us all a favor and leave everyone the fuck alone before it's your own ass that's tossed out!"

"You punk-ass kid!" one of the men shouted, reaching into his jacket, but the older man stopped him.  

"Just remember what I said, Tokitoh-kun.  This won't last forever.  Whatever comes can go just as easily…or even can be taken away."  With a final wave the man turned.  "Please give my regards to your roommate."  With his group closely behind, he headed towards a car parked a ways off.  Tokitoh just turned and walked back, his hands in his pockets.  He left the milk on the ground of the parking lot.

It wasn't until he was back in the apartment with Kubota that something struck him.

"How did he know my name?"

"Hm?" Kubota asked from the couch.

"Ah…nothing."  Tokitoh just glared down at his coffee.  Even with more sugar, it still tasted too bitter to drink.  

He turned and looked at the clock on top of the TV.  An hour and a half…that's not late by their usual standards.  There have been jobs that Kubota has gone on which kept him out until morning.  He never took Tokitoh on those.  "It's a lot of waiting.  You'll just get bored," Kubota always said, tousling his hair as he headed for the door.  He would protest, but Kubota would just smile and slip on his jacket and his shoes.  He'd have one hand on the door and then turn and look back at the glowering cat standing at the top of the entranceway in bare feet and pajama pants.  

"Just stay here, okay?"  Kubota reached out and tapped Tokitoh's nose gently which quickly wrinkled in response.  Then with a wave he was gone.  He always tried to match him then hour for hour, and not go to sleep.  Video games, TV, he even pawed through Kubota's books by the bed, but he wasn't a reader and barely got through anything except the few comics still there.  Tokitoh was never awake though when Kubota would finally get home, almost as if he was outside waiting for him to drop off before coming in.  Somewhere in the fuzz of his dreams he would feel the bed sink in and a cool kiss on his back.

Those were the days that they would sleep in the most.  He would wake up to find Kubota still next to him, unlike most mornings when the taller boy would be up hours earlier with already half a pot of coffee gone and nearing the end of a cigarette pack.  Tokitoh would just look at him then.  He always felt like Kubota saw him sleeping, coming in so late.  Mornings like this were the few times that he could watch him.  He looked kind of goofy without his glasses on, and still wearing a wrinkled shirt from the day before.  Tokitoh would get caught sometimes just lying there, laughing.  Kubota would squint sleepily at him and turn to reach for his glasses.  "Something funny?"

"You're such a dork," was all that he would answer back before pulling up the covers over his head.  The daylight coming in through the window was then muffled, and the world suddenly was only the sheet underneath and the blanket above and them in between.  Staying under there, it seemed like the morning couldn't end.  

"…Breakfast?" he could hear Kubota through the blanket.  His voice was still sleepy.

"Just stay here, okay?" he'd say back to Kubota's skin, and he'd feel his own warm breath against his cheeks.  In response he felt hands slide around his middle and bring him up from underneath, but once out from the blanket, they didn't move.

"Okay, but you too."  Kubota's eyes were smiling but soft and unfocused.  

They would lie there until the morning was long gone, like there was nothing else outside that bed and them.  

Tokitoh opened the door to the balcony and stepped out.  The temperature had dropped and he shivered but didn't go back in.  

A part of him could still feel that old man's hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

"This won't last forever…huh?" he muttered to himself.  Like he needed some old guy to tell him that?  No matter what Kubota held back from him, he wasn't an idiot.  He knew every second they lay in that bed, it was a second closer to whatever was sitting there, just waiting.  His fingers gripped the balcony's edge.  The stone was cold under his fingertips.  He looked out at the cars driving below and the few people still walking about.

"This ain't our own world, Kubo-chan.  We can't act like it is."  

He turned and went back in, closing the door behind him.  Without looking at the clock he headed for the entranceway.  

Better to be out there facing it, then in here waiting for it to come.  

He tied his shoes and grabbed his jacket.

Better to take it by surprise than to find everything just gone one day, almost like it had never been there.   

He opened the door.  

Better to be there together, so they know we're not in it alone.

The cool air in the hall hit him like a wave.

And no matter what they say or do, we'll stay that way.  

-------  

Kubota walked slowly back from the station.  It was only two blocks to the apartment.  He had picked up his phone to call, but decided in the end not to.  

"It's not like he wouldn't pick it up," he thought to himself.  At 11, it wasn't even that late.  He was sure Tokitoh would be up.  They could probably hit the beef bowl place for dinner if they wanted.  But he still slipped the phone back into his pocket and kept walking.  One more block.  

He passed the 7-11, their usual one.  He looked down at the ground of the parking lot.  Someone must have picked up the milk sometime that day.  He was surprised it hadn't opened on impact.  He had been surprised by a lot of things that morning.

Three minutes after Tokitoh had left he had gotten up to grab another pack, only to notice the carton was almost empty.  He had made a mental note earlier about it, but must have forgotten when Tokitoh had headed out.

He could have called and asked him to pick it up or waited and gone out again later that day.  

But instead he grabbed his jacket and left.  He couldn't help but smile thinking if they met halfway, Tokitoh coming and him going.  "He'll be pissed probably," he thought absently.  "You jerk, why didn't you say so earlier?"  He chuckled to himself and turned the corner and then stopped.  

He saw Tokitoh first, then Sanada, then the six guys scattered around the parking lot.  

His hand went to his belt but felt nothing.  He had no weapon.  

They were just standing there though.  Sanada's hand was on Tokitoh's shoulder and Tokitoh then pushed him off and started to walk away.  

Kubota moved forward then.  "Don't turn your back to him."  Tokitoh then turned, throwing the milk, and began shouting back to Sanada.  Kubota just stopped.  

"….why don't you do us all a favor and leave everyone the fuck alone before it's your own ass that's tossed out!"

 "…Tokitoh."  

Sanada spoke next and then turned, waving goodbye.  Tokitoh just stood there and then started towards home.  He couldn't hide his surprise when Kubota met him outside their building.  

He wouldn't look at him, just pulled him inside.  Kubota didn't ask.  It was like a secret they were keeping from each other, the outside that was now making its way in.  With the door closed, he only let out a breath and watched as Tokitoh made himself busy around the apartment.  He never noticed that Kubota didn't ask about the milk. 

Kubota just sat there on the couch, looking at the blank TV and the clock above it. 

After watching Sanada walk away that morning, he suddenly felt every minute passing. 

"How long ya going to stand there?"  A voice asked from behind him.  "It ain't getting any warmer out here."  He turned from looking at the parking lot to see Tokitoh standing there.  

They didn't say anything for a minute, just stood there looking at each other.  Tokitoh then walked passed him and towards the store.  Kubota turned to see the doors open, and the automated "Welcome" squeak out as Tokitoh stepped inside.  Kubota followed.  

He found him staring at the leftover sandwiches.  "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?  You said wait, so I waited.  Now nothing's open so I'm just getting dinner here.  If you don't wanna eat, then that's fine with me."  Tokitoh grabbed a curry bread and some packaged sushi and headed for the register.  Once there he felt his pockets and then turned a little red.  

Kubota just shook his head and placed a few rice balls along side the other food on the counter.  "I'll take this.  Why don't you go grab the milk?"  Tokitoh looked up surprised and then slowly nodded and headed back towards the drinks.  Kubota smiled at the cashier.  "One carton of Seven Stars, please." 

They walked back in silence.  Tokitoh had already started on the curry bread.  

Back in the apartment, Tokitoh sat in the entranceway slowly untying his shoes.  Finally he just stopped and sat there for a moment.  "…hey, Kubo-chan?"

"Hm?" Kubota had hung up both their jackets and turned to look down at him.

"…I…"  Tokitoh looked at his feet first and then up at him.  "…I met some guy who knew you today."

Kubota just looked back at him.  Tokitoh continued.  "…he was this weird guy.  And he said some stuff, but I didn't believe him.  It's just…I wanted to let you know that I know.  He's there… I know that."  

Kubota didn't say anything for a moment.  He sat down next to Tokitoh in the entranceway.  "Did he scare you?"

"No."  He glared back at him.  "Why would he?"

"Because he scared me," Kubota said simply.  "I saw him with you and it scared me."

Tokitoh took a moment to think that over.  "…Then why did you see him tonight?"

Kubota gave him a questioning look.  Tokitoh's brows furrowed more.  "You must think I'm the biggest dumbass in the world, Kubo-chan." 

"Don't worry, you're not the biggest."  Kubota ducked a swipe and then leaned back on his elbows.  "…I guess I saw him because…I know him.  I know what he wants."

"Did you give it to him?"  Tokitoh didn't look back at him, just at the door.

"Does it look like I gave it to him?"  Kubota nudged his back.  

"Then why couldn't I go with?  Why did I have to stay here?"

Kubota puffed out his cheeks, thinking.  "Because…they're not good things.  I guess I like to keep you not involved."

Tokitoh turned and gave him a pointed look.  "Look, am I here or not here?"

Kubota raised an eyebrow.  'You're…here?"

"Fuck yeah, I'm here.  So that means I'm already involved.  Me not being involved would mean me walking out this door and not coming back and not ever seeing you again, or not eat your damn curry, or not do any work for the hack…and if that's what you really want, I'll say you're out of luck, pal, because I ain't going." 

Kubota just looked at him silently.

"So, since I ain't going, that means I'm involved so THAT means stop trying to go out there alone and meet whacked out old guys and whatever other bad shit you have to go see.  I mean…fuckin' A, aren't we here together?"

Kubota just nodded.

"So act like it already."  Tokitoh hit Kubota's chest and he fell back.  "…I mean, besides…"

"Besides?"  Kubota sat up, rubbing his chest.  Tokitoh had again turned his back to him.  

"Besides…if we're out there…like it's us, you know….if we're together then, maybe what's out there won't be all that bad, and even if it is, it won't matter that much….because it's us….just…fuck…"  Tokitoh lowered his head.  Damn, why did this sound better in his head then when he talked?  He is the biggest dumbass in the world.  Suddenly he was pulled back as Kubota's arms encircled his middle.  "Hey, what are you doing?"

"Watching your back." Kubota dropped his chin on Tokitoh's shoulder.  "Isn't this what you wanted?  I got your back and you got mine, right?  Isn't that what you always say?"

"…Damn right I do…"  Tokitoh leaned back a little.  "Ain't nothing getting by me…hell, my job's even harder."

"It is?"

"Hell yeah.  I mean, all this?"  His hand reached up and lightly hit Kubota's shoulders.  "You got it way easier."

Kubota's grip around his middle tightened.  "You are pretty puny."

"Fuck you.  This is all muscle."

They sat there in the entranceway silently for a minute, Kubota still hugging him.  Tokitoh finally started again.  "So, you get it, right?  From now on?  Whatever that's out there, whatever that's coming, we'll go and meet it together, right?"

"…right."

"And we'll pound it until even its mom can't recognize it, right?"

He felt the laugh in Kubota's chest behind him.  "Oh, all those poor mothers."  

"Whatever."  He pushed Kubota back, kicked off his shoes, and grabbed the shopping bag.  "I'm so hungry, I would even eat your cooking now."

"Ah, so cruel the boy be…"  Kubota smiled and got up and followed him into the kitchen.  He started to make some coffee when he saw Tokitoh get up and open the balcony door.  

"I thought you said it was cold outside?"

"It is."  Tokitoh walked back to the table and sat down.  He took the warm mug that Kubota handed him and brought it up to his lips.  It was hot, but with milk and sugar, it went down easy.  "But that's okay.  Got to get used to it sometime, right?"

Kubota just looked at him and then sat down.  They sat there quietly in the kitchen as the cool air filled the room.  Mixed with the smell of coffee and of Kubota's cigarettes, it didn't feel that bad though.  

"We're not going to sleep with the window open, are we?" Kubota asked, tapping his cigarette into the tray on the table.

"No way in hell."  Tokitoh just shook his head and then took another sip.

Kubota smiled and let out a breath of smoke.  After all, they had to leave one thing to themselves, didn't they?

------  

You're saying that like I would just let him go?

Like I would even let him throw me away?

No way in hell.  

I won't let you take him away from me.

Even though I know the day that I will die is coming… 

Sometimes in the dark, all I can feel is your hand in mine.  

I probably won't know which day that is until it comes, until a second after that trigger is pulled.

And you rest your head back on my chest and look up.

"And whatever's out there that we meet, whatever that's coming-"

And the air carries the hint of gunpowder and of blood.

"If we're together then…"

And with your head near mine, I can smell your shampoo.

"It won't be that bad."

I kiss your hair and breathe in.

"Because it's us, right?"

And when I squeeze your hand, that gentle pressure you give back is everything.

^^ owari


End file.
